Dirty Thirty

Well hi. It's been a while since I mention the "bun" so here I am keeping it real...again. Welcome to the Dirty Thirty. I do not mean my age. I, my friends, am referring to the weeks of pregnancy I have just entered.

30 week tummy!

I just crossed the 30 week mark and wanted to give everyone a little update. Because really people, the books don't tell you, and I feel like it is my civil blog duty to let my non pregnant, maybe one day pregnant friends know what they have in store....or what they are missing! Oh-what-fun!

So when we left off the Pregnancy Story I was a whopping 105 lbs at 20 weeks. I felt huge! My little belly bump was still "leetle", the majority of my nausea was gone, still rockin' all of my regular clothes, and I finally had some energy. Well here we are at 30 weeks and a few days. If your brain works better in months that is seven and a half. That's seven and half months of sobriety. That's seven and a half months with very little caffeine. That's seven and a half months of pretty steady weight gain and riding a very bumpy emotional roller coaster. Welcome.To. My. Life! AND if I am being totally honest the first 11 weeks were way more emotional than these last few....just sayin'.

Let's see what has changed....

Oh how I am wishing to be 105 lbs. I'm HUGE....ok, huge for me!!! I've gained a total of 15 lbs. When you are pregnant people tell you how great you look...a lot. That's a perk! No one in there right mind is going to say "Holy shit, you're giant" to a pregnant woman. They would be killed....on the spot. Apparently 17 year old boys have not gotten the memo on pregnancy etiquette. I didn't publicly announce my pregnancy to all of my classes. The students I thought could "handle it" were brought into to the loop and I felt like all good juicy high school gossip it would spread soon enough.

Some of my favorite lines from the last few weeks have included...

Student: You get bigger everyday! No really Miss, you weren't that big yesterday!
Me: Trust me, I feel bigger.

Student: Are you having twins?
Me: Nope.
Student: Are you sure?
Me: (Scowl)

Student: It looks like you have a basketball under your shirt.
Me: (Silence....eye roll)

Student: Your stomach just touched me!
Me: Now this one weirded me out too. I honestly felt bad for putting a kid in that situation. I was just as grossed out as he was. I am so Sorry! I have now made students stand up before I lean over them.

Student: My pregnant cousin wet her pants at Wal-Mart. Have you wet your pants yet?
Me: Long pause..................with little expression......Yep....


All in all the kids have been great. They ask a lot of questions and give a lot of advice! They also have some very interesting name ideas. This was a note left by one of my Seniors. Precious!

Newel, Owen, Thompson, Karen, Suzette, Cassandra, and Linda! LOVE!!!

Lets get back to me! Feeling Ok. Not great, not crazy energetic but still moving. Last week we had a little scare and made an emergency trip to the doctor's office. I was feeling really tired. More tired than usually after a work day and I started cramping on one side. Front and back. I will compare it to bad menstrual cramps. Please add menstrual to the list of words I hate. I was so uncomfortable I could not sit normally in the car on the way home. We made a trip to my sister's house and she, a mother of three and pediatrician, sat me down and made me put my feet up. She immediately starting timing my contractions. What?!?!?! Contractions? No way I was having contractions.

It felt like the baby was pushing it's butt out and holding it there. Butt out and arms and legs going crazy. I hadn't felt that much movement before! I needed to pee, but didn't....does that make sense?And my entire body tensed up, I could not relax. We headed to the doctor. My sweet husband literally squeezed my hand the entire way. After a very extensive and uncomfortable exam I was in fact having contractions but was not progressing. God, I felt like such a pansy girl! It was nothing y'all!
Been under any stress lately?
I said no because I wasn't under any more than normal. What was stressing me out at that moment was thinking my 29 week baby was trying to crawl out of me. In hind sight of course I had been under some stress. We are packing up our classrooms early for a massive school renovation, there is no AC, I had a impending AP portfolio submission, last few days with my seniors, e-mailing parents, and on and on and on. Maybe I over did it with the packing? I guess pushing boxes of art supplies across the hall is just as exhausting as lifting them.

I wish I could say when I got home I relaxed and enjoyed my evening. Nope! The pain got worse and in an even pansier move I called the doctor at 9:30pm. It wasn't until I talked to my all knowing mother that she gave me some helpful unconventional tips was I able to relax and fall asleep. She told me not to tell anyone so I will be cryptic. A small shot of Shmequila, lots of water, fetal position, heating pad....and I could finally sleep....sort of!

If that was anything close to what actual labor feels like I am scared! Really freaking scared y'all!! I've said it before...

Why have we not evolved from all of this!?!?

I haven't been the ideal pregnant woman. I stopped looking at "this week in your pregnancy" websites around 18 weeks because they were boring, freaking me out, and I have better things to do....like paint furniture. My nurse keeps trying to sign me up for this website that tracks your pregnancy but there was a login and my pregnant brain couldn't remember another password. I am just taking this whole thing one day at a time. I don't need a website to tell me how much weight I've gained or what my baby is doing, I've got a mother for that.

For your entertainment I did pull this off the web. This is the last trimester list....what your body might be doing weeks 29-36. Dun-dun-duuuunnnnn....

• Shortness of breath  - nope, still working out, walking the dog, working in the yard. Bending over has become a job though. Doing an awkward spread eagle, butt out, lunge...real cute! But I can still breath:) 
• Heartburn - Unfortunately this has not stopped. All day everyday. Water gives me heartburn. I had a two week stretch where it was so bad I was throwing up again. I threw my up lunch at school and it got on my shirt and I had to teach the remainder of the day smelling like puke. Yes, that did happen, and I am telling you about it:)
• Swelling of the ankles, fingers, and face. - No, thank the Lord! I keep waiting for it to happen too. I keep hearing horror stories about "pregnancy nose" and swelling feet. I have a dear friend who only swelled on one leg and it was a scary scary image that I am trying to mentally erase! She know who she is:) 
• Hemorrhoids - Now this one is tricky. Would I actually share to the world that I have hemorrhoids? Probably not. But I have shared that I pee my pants and throw up on my self and that's pretty much on the same gross scale. But, no, I have not been blessed with hemorrhoids...I still have 10 weeks to go though! Stay tuned!
• Tender breasts, which may leak a watery pre-milk called colostrum - Nope...and gross!
• Your belly button may stick out - This is almost as embarrassing as hemorrhoids. Yes is it is starting to stick out. Yes, it is weird and ugly. Belly buttons, in general, freak me out and to have one basically unraveled on my body is creepy. This literally just happened over the weekend...not happy!
• Trouble sleeping - Eeeeh.... I love to sleep. I have never had a problem sleeping and I think I'm still doing pretty good. It's not comfortable and I have stacks and stacks of pillow propping all kinds of things up. Little tip, get a heading pad, they always makes things better. I keep seeing those long body pillows for pregnant ladies but I don't have room for any of that extra nonsense. 
• The baby "dropping," or moving lower in your abdomen - I feel like I have been been carrying this child low the entire time. It's heavy but I haven't felt a "drop". I also didn't know I was having contractions. Maybe I do need to read a pregnancy book???
• Contractions, which can be a sign of real or false labor - Hell yes, see above!
• Your baby is gaining weight quickly, about one-half pound a week. Now, your baby is about 15 to 17 inches long and weighs about 4 to 4½ pounds - Ex-squeeze me?!?! Did you say a half pound a week? At this rate baby R will be coming into this world well over 8 lbs. Dear baby Jesus help me! At my emergency doctors visit the baby was at 3 lbs which does not explain the other 12lb??? Anyone? Anyone?

Now the positives! We are having a real life baby! Like any moment this could happen. Monday we got in the car and out of no where Mr. R said "I can't wait to be a Dad!". If it was possible to love my husband more than I normally do, I did at that moment. He has been a rock star the last few months. Going way over and beyond his normal duties to help me. Baby R is moving up a storm and I am fully confident this child has a future in rhythmic gymnastics or karate! We are ready to meet him or her! Baby names are still in limbo and they change weekly but we are narrowing them down. I know it sounds silly but I think I need to see the baby before I give it a name. Am I the only one? 

I'm leaving you today with more beautiful maternity photos courtesy of Emma Goode Photography. She is such a great friend and we spend a whopping 45 minutes around our neighborhood taking these. They are just perfect! Exactly what we wanted. Non-cheesy, non sexy, non naked maternity pictures. I just wanted to capture our family how I see it everyday...ok, most days....ok, the days we are both not in work out attire and I have my hair curled. And I'm sure you can see for yourself that George Strait stole the show. I know I am biased but he is a handsome dog. Look at those eyes!!! We love him so much and can't wait to bring baby home to meet him.

Happy Growing Belly!